Negotiating
(In addition, please refer to the
booklet you have been provided: “The Mentor’s Guide”; Consider reading pages
23-42, though you will not have to turn any of these materials in to the
Mentorship Task Force).
“Negotiating” is the second step of the mentor/mentee relationship.
(The readings and exercises are informed by: Zachary, L. (2000).
The mentor’s guide: Facilitating
effective learning relationships. San Francisco, CA:Jossey-Bass).
Please review the following material:
Negotiating:
Reading 1
Planting
Seeds: Negotiating
The
Negotiating phase is a process of conversation, consensus, and commitment.
Partners engage in conversation (weave real connections) about how the learning
process will unfold (create real nodes) and what outcomes they want to achieve
during the relationship (build real houses). Depth, specificity, and framework
are added to the broad goals identified during the preparation phase. The
outcome of this phase is a mentoring partnership work plan anchored in
well-defined goals, measurements for success, delineation of mutual
responsibility, accountability mechanisms, and protocols for dealing with
stumbling blocks.
Negotiating describes a
free-flowing focused conversational process that take place over one or several
session and results in a shared understanding about the outcome and process of
the mentoring partnership. The defining question in the negotiating conversation
is How will our work move forward? Ultimately the answer depends on the
willingness of mentoring partners to invest adequate time and effort into a
thoughtful negotiating conversation – one that anticipates pitfalls, allows for
the exploration of emerging possibilities and alternate pathways, and
accommodates renegotiating or closure should they become necessary or prudent. A
good mentoring negotiation process will result in the following:
The negotiating phase plants the seeds that make it possible for the
relationship to bud and flower. This chapter details the content agenda of the
negotiating conversation needed to achieve the outcomes.
Developing
an Agreement
A mentoring
partnership agreement resembles a learning contract and is consistent with sound
principles and practices of adult learning. Like a learning contract, it is an
agreement between parties (in the case of a learning contract, an instructor and
a learner) that articulates specific components of the learning agreement:
objectives, evidence of accomplishment of objectives, learning resources and
strategies, criteria, and the means for validating the learning (Knowles, 1980).
Just as learning contracts are beneficial in setting up boundaries and
containing expectation (Galbraith, 1991), so too are mentoring partnership
agreements.
The conversation that takes place in the process of developing mentoring
agreement sows the seeds of the relationship to follow. A mentoring agreement
arrived at without conversation is a missed opportunity for connection. Each of
the following sections lays out the areas for discussion in arriving at an
agreement.
Well-Defined
Goals
There is
nothing quite as important as having well-defined learning goals in a mentoring
relationship. Since learning is the quintessential purpose of the relationship,
all that follows depends on clearly defining desired learning goals. Clarifying
and articulating learning goals is indispensable to the work of negotiating the
mentoring relationship. Mentoring partners continuously revisit their learning
goals throughout the mentoring relationship.
It is hard to achieve a goal if it has not been defined. Without
well-defined goals, the relationship runs the risk of losing its focus. Lack of
clarity leads to diffusion of effort, as this female mentor from a social
service agency recalls: “I probably wasn’t as clear as I should have been about
insisting we have specific goals. We really didn’t sit down and talk about
goals. I didn’t know that goals were an important part.”
Specificity is an important part of clarity. Many mentoring relationships
never get beyond a broad goal definition. Another mentor, a male manager,
described a similar experience; “We were not really clear about the goals
despite the fact that we had talked about it up front. We should have been more
specific and concrete. Lack of it made our relationship a meandering process
that was not as helpful as it could have been to each of us.”
Some mentees come to mentoring relationship with well-defined goals.
Nevertheless, it is still important when this is the case for mentors to check
out their assumptions regarding the goals and determine if there is a good fit
between the mentee’s desired learning outcome and their own experience and
expertise.
When mentees do not have well-defined goals, goal setting becomes the
first priority, and the mentor’s immediate task is to assist the mentee in
clarifying and defining goals. This must be completed before the work phase of
the relationship begins.
Goal setting is an evolutionary process that takes time. The process
usually begins as a fairly broad statement of intent – from the general (in the
preparing phase) to the more specific (in the negotiating phase). If goals are
left too broad, chances are that neither the mentor nor the mentee will be
satisfied with the learning process, the learning outcome, or the mentoring
relationship. Because the length of a mentoring relationship, and particularly
an informal relationship, is at least in part determined by the accomplishment
of desired learning goals, establishing well-defined goals is critical.
Most mentees come to mentoring with an idea about what they want to
learn. That idea becomes the starting point for providing assistance in the
goal-setting process. There are a number of ways that mentors can help mentees
develop concrete, concise, and clear goals.
When mentees encourage a mentee to put goals in writing, they encourage
specificity. Once goals are defined in writing, they can be used as an
accountability tool to benchmark progress. Well-defined goals are like the
mission statement of the relationship; they maintain the focus of the
relationship and keep it on track.
Smith (1995) identifies five criteria for creating “SMART” goals: goals
must be specific (S), measurable (M), action oriented (A), realistic (R), and
well mentee goals are defined. The worksheet can also be completed by the mentor
and mentee as a prelude to developing the components of the mentoring
partnership agreement. A mentor must quickly realize if the mentee’s goals are
not well defined and that there is more work to be done before moving forward.
Well-defined goals help identify the deliverables-the measure for
success. As circumstances change over the course of the relationship, goals may
need to be reformulated.
Success
Criteria and Measurement
For success
of the learning effort to be measured, criteria for the accomplishment of
learning outcomes must be defined. These criteria are the deliverables or
intended learning results, and they flow directly from the goals. When mentoring
partners engage in a conversation around the topic of how they will know when
they achieve their goals, they are defining their deliverables. Once the goal is
well defined, it is an easy conversation.
Once the criteria for success have been identified, the next step is to
think about how success will be measure, that is, what the process is for
evaluating success. In many instances, the process is readily apparent. In some,
the answer to that question may need time. This is because learning often comes
from application and integration, long after the mentoring relationship has
concluded.
Delineation
of Mutual Responsibility
Being a
mentor is a commitment and therefore involved responsibilities. In any viable
partnership, the responsibilities of each partner should be defined and mutually
understood. This is the only way there can be meaningful accountability.
Mentors must be clear about their own responsibilities as well as those
of their mentoring partner. Mentors who are in a formal mentoring program can
begin with a review of the mentor’s job description and discuss the implication
for their particular relationship with their mentoring partner. For example,
John’s accounting firm has an internal mentoring program to orient new employees
to the firm’s culture and business practices. The program also is intended to
contribute to individual skill development and competency development. The
mentor’s responsibilities include providing support, guidance, and hands-on
opportunities for the mentee to learn. It is also the mentor’s responsibility to
provide specific feedback to the mentee and ongoing programmatic feedback to the
mentoring program oversight committee. Mentors must attend training session
twice a year and meet regularly with mentees – as least twice a week for the
first month, once a week for the next five months, and twice monthly for one
year after the date of hire.
John’s mentee has a list of responsibilities as well. Among them are
participating as an active learner in the relationship, attending a mentoring
orientation program, agreeing to the protocols outlines in the mentoring
program, honoring the confidentiality of their conversations, and providing
feedback to the mentor and the program oversight committee.
There are less visible partners involved in the mentoring relationship as
well. These partners may include the mentee’s manager, the program supervisor,
and the human resource specialist. Each of these individuals has
responsibilities affecting the relationship directly or indirectly. Being aware
of those responsibilities militates against the problem of role diffusion.
Linda is engaged in an informal mentoring relationship. Her goal as a
mentee is to learn everything she can about becoming an editor. She is new to
her position as managing editor and chose to go outside the company for
mentoring assistance. Although she writes well, Linda has never been a managing
editor before and has a need to learn quickly so that she can make a positive
impression on subscribers, advertisers, and her staff. Gerald, her mentor, has
agreed to share his experiences and meet with her on a regular basis, but he is
unwilling to accept the responsibility for scheduling their appointments and
keeping her on track. They agree that it is Linda’s responsibility to bring the
problems, situations, and questions she has to the relationship. Gerald has
accepted responsibility for getting her connected with some professional
associations. They agree to accept mutual responsibility for evaluating Linda’s
progress every other month.
Defining responsibility is essential if there is to be any level of
meaningful accountability in a relationship.
Accountability Assurance
Accountability is the conscious melding of self-responsibility and rigor.
Accountability assurance is based on considered commitment to and clear
understanding of the responsibilities of each mentoring partner. The defining
accountability question is, How are we going to hold ourselves and other
accountable in this mentoring relationship? Answering the question calls for
clarity – the kind of clarity that Patrick Lencioni writes about in
The Five Temptations of a CEO (1998),
where he state, “You can’t hold people accountable for things that aren’t clear”
(p. 51)
Those who are engaged in an informal mentoring relationship may view an
imposed accountability procedure as cumbersome. However, unless external
accountability measures are built in, whether self or other imposed, the
temptation is to sidestep it altogether. The accountability conversation
provides a touchstone for the relationship. When used thoughtfully, it becomes
an ongoing quality assurance conversation.
There are three levels of accountability that mentoring partners ought to
address: accountability for the relationship, accountability for the learning
process, and the accountability for the achievement of the learning goals.
As you think about meeting the challenge of mutual accountability in a
mentoring relationship, consider how best to encourage and support
accountability.
Encouraging
Accountability
Accountability conversations do not have to be formal, but they do need to be
meaningful and regular. Periodically asking, “How is it going?” keeps
accountability at the forefront. Posing a simple question regularly instead of
waiting until something goes amiss offers a nonthreatening approach. When
checking in is an established, normative part of the relationship, it takes the
pressure off and encourages accountability.
In some situations, more detailed accountability mechanisms are
appropriate. If this is not the case, the mentor and mentee could choose to
develop a list of itemized questions to discuss at predefined milestones in the
relationship.
Supporting
Accountability
The
responsibility for accountability rests with the mentoring partners. Some
mentors suggest that mentees summarize the mentoring session at the close of the
interaction and record what they have learned. At the beginning of the next
session, mentees review that summary. This ensures continuity and a jumping-off
point for talking about progress made since the previous mentoring session or
conversation. Other mentors make progress notes for themselves and continue to
add to them and review them throughout the mentoring relationship. This is
particularly helpful when mentoring at a distance or when there is time distance
between mentoring interactions. By saving these notes, each partner has a record
of the mentoring journey that becomes a helpful point of departure in assessing
the learning experience.
Group mentoring situations offer a unique opportunity for supporting
accountability. Using a round-robin approach to summarize and end the session
both reinforces the learning and reminds mentees of what they need to do.
Beginning the next session with a progress report since the previous session
helps to focus the interaction and abbreviates the start-up time.
E-mail or handwritten notes, sharing an interesting article, and a quick
telephone call are little ways of supporting accountability.
Critical
Aspects of Accountability
Three
aspects of accountability are critical to mutual accountability for building and
maintain the relationship: ground rules, confidentiality safeguards, and
boundary setting.
Ground Rules
for the Relationship
We sometimes take partnering for granted and assume that it will happen
naturally. This assumption often undermines the relationship. Establishing
ground rules helps manage expectations in a mentoring relationship.
Ground rules
are the norms or accepted behaviors, rules of the road, guidelines, or
conventions that partners agree to abide by in a partnership. They should not
restrict the relationship, but rather encourage and support accountability. At a
minimum, a mentoring partnership agreement should outline the norms of the
relationship.
The following common mentoring norms can be used to start the discussion
on ground rules:
·
Our meetings
begin and end of time.
·
Each of us
actively participates in the relationship.
·
Our
communication is open, candid, and direct.
·
We will
respect our difference and learn from them.
·
We will
honor each other’s expertise and experience.
·
We will
safeguard confidentiality.
·
We will
manage out time well.
·
We will put
interruptions aside.
The most
challenging part of the group rule conversation is the discussion about what
happens if and when these rules are not followed. What will happen if one
partner dominates the relationship? What are the sanctions if appointment times
are not honored? What happens when confidentiality is compromised? In a formal
mentoring situation, there may be additional programmatic sanctions imposed what
will need to be taken into consideration.
Checking in to determine whether the ground rules are working effectively
at the beginning or end of the first several mentoring sessions helps smooth the
way and avoid difficulties later on. Whatever both partners ultimately decide
about the ground rules of the mentoring partnership, they should consider
establishing checkpoints to monitor the status of the relationship and agree in
advance on what those will be.
Confidentially Safeguards
Breach of confidentiality is a major stumbling block in mentoring relationships.
Although mentees often confide in mentors and mentors in mentees, many people
have differing expectations of what that confidentiality means. Being a
confidant does not always man that person you trust automatically safeguards
confidentiality the way you would.
Generally
people do not like to talk about confidentiality; they just assume it. And
because they assume it, assumptions remain undisclosed and untested. Instead,
mentors and mentees must continuously check out their own assumptions if they
are to share mutual accountability for the mentorship partnership.
It is hard to talk about confidentiality because people are afraid it
will undermine trust and fear a conversation about it will be offensive. They
see confidentiality as a particularly difficult issue to discuss when there
appears to be not immediate reason to do so.
The truth of the matter is that there are many different expectations
about what confidentiality means in a relationship. Some people view
confidential information as private, restricted, secret, undisclosed, and
classified. For others, confidentiality has a limited duration. It is important
to talk candidly with mentees and agree on every aspect of confidentiality in a
mentoring relationship.
Getting the conversation about confidentiality started is sometimes
awkward. We examine two possible approaches that can be used independent of each
other or in combination to frame the conversation: perception identification and
assumption testing.
In perception identification, the mentor and mentee begin the discussion
of confidentiality using a free association exercise. They individually write
down words associated with the word
confidentiality, thereby generating a list that can serve as a basis for
discussion. Ultimately the partners will come to mutual agreement about that
confidentiality will mean in their relationship.
Assumption testing must be accomplished. The mentor and mentee should
review the list independently to establish a framework for candidly discussing
their own assumptions about confidentiality. The discussion of their responses
encourages additional assumptions to emerge. Working from this prepared list
focuses the conversation and makes discussion of this slippery concept much less
threatening.
There must be clarity about what confidentiality means within a
particular mentoring relationship. The object is to create consensus about what
is confidential and what is not that makes sense for the mentoring partnerships
and promote open and candid communication – communication that is authentic and
free flowing – without getting so specific that conversation is restricted,
unnatural, and guarded. Delimiting confidentiality is part of the
boundary-setting process and helps ensure accountability within the
relationship.
Boundary
Setting
A
frank discussion about the limits and boundaries of the mentoring relationship
enables mentoring partners to sustain the focus on learning, manage
expectations, and ensure mutual accountability throughout the duration of the
relationship. Boundaries that go undefined frequently undermine the relationship
by deflecting energy away from the learning focus of the relationship. When
boundaries are too loose, they may be misinterpreted, and when they are too
rigid, they incapacitate the relationship.
Boundaries are not always clear-cut, however, and may vary according to
circumstance. There are boundaries that we set for ourselves and boundaries that
we set in partnership with others. There are boundaries that are evident at the
beginning of the relationship and boundaries that need to be set during the
relationship. Personal boundary setting during the negotiating phase helps
mentors maintain the delicate balance between meeting their own needs and those
of their mentees.
Dora saw great promise in Theo and wanted to see him succeed as quickly
as possible. She encouraged him to stop into her office whenever he had a
question. Before long, answering Theo’s interruptions was taking up a
significant portion of Dora’s work time, and she was falling behind in meeting
department deadlines. The push and pull she was experiencing was the result of
not having set personal boundaries and failing to communicate those boundaries
to her mentee.
The most overlooked aspect of boundary setting has to do with access,
which directly relates to managing expectations:
·
What kind of
access does the mentee have to you?
·
What is the
limit?
·
Does being a
mentor mean the mentee has unlimited access to you for the duration of the
relationship?
·
Is an
appointment needed?
·
What kind of
telephone access does the mentee have to you?
·
Will your
mentee need to go through a gatekeeper to get to you?
Is it
important for the mentors to communicate what they are willing to do and
unwilling to do in the relationship. Once they become aware of their own
boundaries, the next step is to decide what they expect from the mentee to
respect the boundaries. A list of boundaries can be used as a basis for
conversation with the mentee at the appropriate time in the negotiating process.
Mentees also need to set boundaries for themselves. Maria was so anxious
to please her mentor that she volunteered time to help her mentor and did
whatever was asked of her. Soon her mentor came to expect that level of
performance from her. The ante was raised, and Maria felt there was nothing she
could do. She had allowed her mentoring relationship to encroach on the rest of
her life.
Relationship boundary setting requires a discussion about the boundaries
of the relationship. Guidelines for safeguarding confidentiality are an example
of a partnership boundary. Guidelines for maintain contact are another. Access
is yet another.
Despite best intentions, boundaries are crossed and limits are exceeded.
Crossing boundaries affect the mentoring relationship and the learning taking
place within it. The best way to handle this it to be prepared with a strategy
to deal with boundary crossing if and when it occurs.
Protocols
for Addressing Stumbling Blocks
Even with
accountability assurances in place, most relationships encounter stumbling
blocks at one time or another. There are two steps that can prepare mentoring
partners to address issues before they rise to the level of stumbling block:
mutually anticipate what the stumbling blocks might be and discuss procedures to
follow when stumbling blocks to occur.
To anticipate what stumbling blocks might occur, the partners can
envision and talk about what internal and external factors might affect the
relationship. For example, the birth of a child, the immediate death of a loved
one, the pressures at work, a job change, or a sabbatical could all create
stumbling blocks. Once these are identified, mentor and mentee can determine how
to deal with them when they do occur.
Closure, for example, is a potential stumbling block for most
relationships. Both mentor and mentee must agree how they will end the mentoring
relationship when that time eventually arrives. Successful closure depends on
having well-defined goals as well as the opportunity for high-level closure
conversation that engages the partners in processing the learning, the learning
experience, and accomplishments. It is important to predefine the terms of the
closure to the extent that you can. If you are participating in a mentoring
program, likely these will be defined in part for you.
Not all stumbling blocks are predictable, however. Thus, the second step
is to discuss procedures or protocols to deal with stumbling blocks when they
occur. Mapping out protocols is an important step in keeping the lines of
communication open. For example, one of the major stumbling blocks is erosion of
boundaries. Mentoring partners might agree to the following procedures when
boundaries are crossed:
·
Let your
mentoring partner know that a boundary has been crossed.
·
Refer to the
ground rules outlines in your mentoring agreement.
·
Describe the
behaviors that clearly demonstrate how the boundary was crossed.
·
Request that
the behavior stop.
·
If your
mentoring partner acknowledges that boundaries have been crossed, let that
person know you appreciate the understanding.
·
If
boundaries go unacknowledged and continue to be crossed, ask your mentoring
partner to stop crossing the line. Second, insist that they be stopped.
Third, walk away from the relationship.
A Consensual
Mentoring Agreement
Putting
shared understanding about a partnership in writing facilitates the learning
process. The form the mentoring agreement takes is not as important as the
contents. The form the mentoring agreement takes is not as important as the
contents. The agreement could contain a series of bulleted notes that resulted
from the negotiating conversation, a written contract, a memo of understanding,
or a learning contract. By mutually choosing a form or format, the agreement
becomes meaningful to both partners. You and your mentoring partner may want to
use Exercise 2 as a template, with the answers to the questions serving as their
mentoring agreement.
The template may suggest other forms and formats. Whatever the ultimate
form the agreement takes, it must be clear to all mentoring partners and emerge
from shared understandings. Constructing the agreement together helps ensure
this end. It builds trust and creates shared accountability.
The following guidelines pertain to developing the partnership agreement:
·
Agree on the
goals of the relationship.
·
Note the
ground rules for the relationship.
·
Spell out
the “what-ifs”: what to do in case time availability becomes an issue, for
example, or in case of incompatibility.
·
Determine
criteria for success and the completion of the relationship.
·
Decide how
to come to closure if the relationship terminates by mutual consent (or not).
·
Establish
how to process learning from the relationship in a learning conclusion.
Whether the
end result is a formal or informal agreement, contract, or written set of goals
and operating procedures depends entirely on the partners. It may be that a
written document is more than is needed; in this situation, a dedicated
conversation, with something in writing – say, notes or a journal entry-is
highly recommended. “In the final analysis what is right will be what works for
you. It must be appropriate to your style, circumstances and way of doing
things” (Owen, 1992). The process of formulating a mentoring partnership
agreement is as important as the agreement itself.
It plants
the seeds for a fruitful relationship.
Once the agreement is negotiated, both mentor and mentee should be clear
about the following issues:
·
The goals of
the relationship
·
What the
mentee wants to learn
·
What the
mentee needs from the relationship
·
How often
the mentor and mentee need to meet
·
What kind of
learning supports the mentee’s needs
·
How much
time the mentee has committed to achiever the learning goals
·
How the
mentee prefers to learn
·
How the
mentor plans to encourage and support accountability
Developing
the Work Plan
Once
mentoring partners have come to agreement, the next step is to develop an action
plan to achieve each of the goals and objectives. Exercise 3 offers an approach
to developing a partnership work plan:
1.
Identify the
learning goals.
2.
Lay out the
objectives, which describe how to achieve the goals. Objectives must be specific
and measurable with visible results. A goal might be “expanding my leadership
capability so that I can move up the ladder in my company.” An objective would
be “determining which three new assignments I can take on that would give me the
exposure and experience.”
3.
Identify the
learning tasks-the specific steps that need to be taken to meet the objectives.
For example, in order to “determine new assignments,” what will the mentee have
to do? Attend a conference? Take on a project? Shadow the mentor? Make
presentations? It is helpful to know something about the mentee’s learning style
when designing this part of the work plan.
4.
List
potential resources-both human and material. Examples are interviewing specific
individuals and reading several briefing documents.
5.
Set a target
date. People are more likely to make progress if they are trying to meet a
deadline. The partners can always renegotiate the time frame, but setting a date
designates a specific time to evaluate progress, assess where the partners are,
and determine how the relationship is going to proceed.
Moving On
When
learning permeates the negotiating phase, it is not cumbersome or restrictive.
In fact, it is often quite liberating because mentoring partners have a map and
compass to guide them through the remaining phases. A mutual commitment to
fulfillment of the mentee’s goals enriches the partnership. Mentoring partners
stand a better chance of holding each other accountable. Having a formalized
mentoring agreement does not preclude having an informal mentoring relationship.
Articulating the commitment increases the likelihood of success.
Once mentoring partners come to agreement and articulate a work plan, it
is time to begin implementing the plan. The items in Exercise 4 provide a
checklist to see whether the work of the negotiating phase is complete.
If you were able to complete the checklist in Exercise 4, then you are
ready to move on to the enabling phase and implement the mentoring partnership
agreement. If you could not, it may a sign that you need to seek clarification
and talk further with your mentee until you feel comfortable enough to check all
these items affirmatively. If you and your mentoring partner can complete it to
your mutual satisfaction, then you are ready to begin the enabling phase.
Resources
used to inform the readings and exercises in Section 4A
Galbraith,
M. (1991). Facilitating adult learning: A
transactional process. Malabar, FL: Kriegre Publishing Company.
Knowles, M.
(1995). The modern practice of adult
education: From pedagogy to andragogy. River Grove, IL: Follett.
Lencioni, P.
(1998). The five temptations of a CEO: A
leadership fable. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Owen, H.
(1992). Open space technology: A user’s
guide. Potomac, MD: Abbott Publishing.
Smith, H.
(1995). The 10 natural laws of successful
time and life management: Proven strategies for increased productivity and inner
peace. New York, NY: Warner Books.
This
concludes Section 4A, Negotiating.
Please proceed to Section 5A,
Enabling when ready.