Enabling
(In addition, please refer to the
booklet you have been provided: “The Mentor’s Guide”; Consider reading
pages 43-56).
“Enabling” is the third step of the mentor/mentee relationship.
(The readings and exercises are informed by: Zachary, L. (2000).
The mentor’s guide:
Facilitating effective learning relationships. San Francisco,
CA: Jossey-Bass).
Please review the following material:
Enabling: Reading 1
Long-Distance Mentoring
Long-distance mentoring is a geographically diverse mentoring
relationship that takes place when it is not feasible, desirable, or
convenient for mentoring partners to meet on a regular face-to-face
basis. It is not unusual for a relationship to start out as face-to-face
partnership and to become a long-distance mentoring relationship at some
point along the way.
Who has not been engaged in a relationship when there has been a
geographic distance between the primary people in it? Do you have a
college roommate or high school classmate with whom you still keep in
contact? Perhaps your siblings or other family members live a distance
away. Maybe you do business regularly with someone in another country.
Or you could be involved in an intimate relationship at a distance.
Long-distance contexts present multiple issues and challenges. It
may be that you and your former high school classmate live in different
hemispheres, and finding the right time to talk across time zones is
challenging. You and your friend may not be able to connect on a regular
basis.
Reflecting on any long-distance relationships can provide
valuable insights. The process of discovering personal challenges to
long-distance relationships provides a window for reflection on your own
experience, which in turn helps in applying the knowledge to long
distance mentoring relationships.
You may have had to learn how to articulate a problem to someone
outside your immediate environment or situation, or to overcome
resistance to technology to maintain the relationship. It may be
challenging for you because you do not have a sense of what else is
going on at the other end of the line while you are engaged in
conversation. Because you cannot see each other, you may find that it is
hard to know what the other person is feeling or thinking. These same
kinds of challenges extend to long-distance mentoring relationships.
Long-distance relationship present special challenges to
mentoring partners. As mentors and mentee travel from place to place
across time zones, creating other venues for connection becomes
important. It could that a
large challenge is overcoming a five-hour time differential and finding
a mutually agreeable time to schedule a conversation that works well for
both mentoring partners.
In the case of someone you know it is likely that you are already
comfortable in the relationship about asking him or her about what is
happening. Even separated by time and space, you still continue to
engage in a mutually satisfying relationship because you have an
established connection. This is not the case in long-distance mentoring
situations, where mentoring partners may not have even met one another.
Creating the Relationship
Eric
had been engaged in an on-line discussion with Tom. They connected
regularly on the Web and had several stimulating exchanges. Eric had
also been touch with Rene, who had recently published a
thought-provoking article. Eric contacted Rene and began an e-mail
exchange. Before long, Eric realized he was engaged in two parallel
conversations that might be enriched by broadening the dialogue to
include both Tom and Rene. When he broached the idea to Tom and Rene,
they were enthusiastic and they began to “meet” on-line. The synergy
among them was apparent, and they mutually decided to establish a peer
mentoring relationship. But when the pace of contact escalated, Eric
could not keep up with it. Soon the flurry of chat time slowed down, and
after several more weeks there was barely a whisper. Neither Tom nor
Rene took the initiative, in Eric’s absence, to maintain it. Several
months later, Eric realized he missed the connection and tired to
resuscitate the relationship but found it was too late. He could not
breathe any life back into it.
Regular contact is necessary but not sufficient. There should be
mutual consensus about the meaning of “regular” and a decision to adhere
to that agreement. Tom, Rene, and Eric missed an opportunity to ground
their learning relationship. Had they discussed what would work for each
of them instead of falling into a pattern, they might have found a
workable solution. They were unable to sustain the pace they had
created. Had there not been “too much too soon,” they might have stood a
better chance of continuing to benefit, participate, and nurture the
relationship.
Weaving Real Connections
Without establishing a connection with others, mutual understanding
cannot be achieved. Distance relationships endure because there is
connection; a relationship has been forged, and common ground has been
established. From that basis, common understanding of each other’s
context contributes to the success of that relationship. The goal is to
seek balance in whatever venues are chosen.
The challenge is to find an electronic format that will work and
to be open to using multiple technologies as they emerge. The growth of
the World Wide Web, for example, has led to a variety of electronic
long-distance options referred to variously as on-line mentoring,
cybermentoring, e-mentoring (electronic mentoring), social media and
telementoring. Currently these terms are being use interchangeably.
(There is considerable variation in how these options are being
implemented.) Some are called mentoring but are more like list serves or
on-line discussion. The key to successful long-distance mentoring is
taking time to establish the human connection and develop a
relationship. Generally list serves and on-line discussion do not
include that opportunity.
Many mentors underestimate the time commitment required to
establish and build long-distance mentoring relationships. In general,
time is a major factor in establishing, building, and sustaining
mentoring relationship. In long-distance mentoring, making the
connection is a formidable task and requires time and tending.
Marsha, a midlevel administrator at a remote office location of a
large Midwestern university, has held several administrative positions
over the past five years. She has never been involved in a formal
mentoring relationship but now realized that she needs one to gain
visibility and knowledge about university politics, and to develop
contacts and skills because she wants to move quickly into a
higher-level administrative position. She is a firm believer that
building relationships is the key to success.
Robert, a full professor and dean of the health science school
located on the main campus has agreed to be her mentor. Marsha and
Robert have had several telephone conversations since their mentoring
relationship began, but each one has been increasingly frustrating for
Robert. Inevitably Marsha is late for the calls and despite generous
apologies has not managed to call once at the appointed time. By the
time she reaches him, Robert has switched his attention to other matters
and need time to shift gears so that he can focus on the conversation.
The conversations are always the same: Marsha apologized for her
tardiness and steers the conversation toward questions she has about
university news, people, and the weather. Robert answers her probing
questions but feels wrung out from her questioning and experiences
little satisfaction from the conversation.
The example illustrates several of the time and connection
dilemmas common to long-distance mentoring relationships. Although
Marsha is getting her information needs met, Robert is feeling more like
a data source than a mentor.
A long-distance mentoring relationship requires planning to us
the time well. Robert needs to make sure the ground rules for
communication are established. He and Marsh should have discussed these
and agreed on them at the beginning of the relationship. And although
Robert was trying to attend to his conversation with Marsha, he may not
have been really hearing to his conversation with Marsh, he may not have
been really hearing because he was frustrated by her behavior and was
still processing.
Robert failed to check out his assumptions about why Marsha was
late. He assumed that punctuality was not important to her. Perhaps
being late is the norm in her department. Robert needs to be more candid
in revealing his own thinking and feeling. If he were clear about the
goals of this mentoring partnership, he would he would be able to
facilitate learning by refocusing Marsha on her goals. What appears to
have happened here is that Marsha’s goals were overridden by her
information needs. By focusing the conversation on preparing and
negotiating the relationship, each would develop more realistic
expectations about it.
Without a discussion of context, it is impossible to be sensitive
to the immediate needs of the partners engaged in a relationship. By
making time at the end of a conversation for summarizing and debriefing
the conversation, frustration could be lowered. This is an opportunity
to discuss satisfaction with the learning and talk about ways to achieve
better results.
Points of Connection
Long-distance mentoring depends on meaningful points of connection.
Points of connection are the building blocks for effective
intercalation. By connecting first, we are better able to develop
fruitful and productive learning relationships.
Robert never set the climate for learning (Point 1). He took on
the responsibility of mentoring Marsha in good faith. He thought Marsha
had great potential and wanted to help her. By talking about her
learning needs and his own time demands, Robert could have probably
avoided some of his frustration (Point 2). He knew little about Marsha.
Certainly he knew her “on paper” and had met her at a recent retreat,
but he really did not know who she was as a person. There were many
communication options available to Marsha and Robert, in addition to the
telephone (Point 3). Perhaps some of the “information” questions (where
appropriate) could have been taken care of by e-mail. Delays in making a
scheduled contact are also points of connection for conversation (Point
4). Had expectations been set more clearly, Marsha would have realized
that she needed to call Robert to let him know she was running late.
Robert then would have the option to renegotiate the time frame. Some of
Robert’s frustration could have been alleviated had he checked on the
effectiveness of the communication from the very beginning (Point 5).
Perhaps learning is going on for Marsha, but Robert has not sense of
what that is and, for his part, feels that it is the “wrong kind” of
learning. They have not had the learning conversation (Point 6).
Information is being shared at the expense of interaction (Point 7).
Communication Success Strategies
Long-distance mentoring communication often gets accomplished in sound
bites-a quick e-mail, tweet, fax, video clip, or a quick conversation.
At other points, longer conversations or exchanges take place. Knowing
which to use and when to use it is advantageous.
Mentors can monitor the communication that take place by
following these guidelines:
·
Actively listen.
·
Check
out assumptions about what is going on periodically.
·
Share
thoughts and feeling candidly.
·
Maintain sensitivity about the mentee’s personal and learning needs.
·
Reflect on the learning taking place.
·
Focus
on the mentee learning goals.
Exercise 1 provides a reflection tool for mentoring communication. It
can be use after each mentoring session or periodically throughout a
mentoring relationship. (A mentoring session can be face-to-face
interaction, a telephone call, or on-line communication.) The tool is
most helpful when mentoring partners complete this form and use it as a
basis for discussion.
Enabling: Reading 2
Reflecting on Learning
Learning is not only the end result of a mentoring relationship. It is
an integral part of the ongoing mentoring experience, starting during
the preparing phase and continuing until closure is reached. It is
introduced here because of its power to inform the facilitation that
takes place during every stage.
Research indicates that one of the ways adults learn best and
also retain the knowledge they learn is by consciously reflecting on
their learning. Reflection is an introspective dialogue carried on in
written form that stimulates the raising of questions, provoke the
assessment of learning, and enables the integration of new learning.
In addition, reflection during the mentoring process “enables us
to slow down, rest, and observe our journey and the process of
self-knowledge that is so important along the way: (Huang and Lynch,
1995, p.57). As a result of reflection, the mentor is in a better
position to assist the mentee in “the integration of learning and the
framing of mechanisms for deriving meaning” from experience (Alpine,
1992, p.15).
Regular mentoring reflection has the following benefits:
·
Clarifies thinking
·
Captures the richness of learning experiences
·
Helps
to sort out the mentor’s feeling about what is occurring
·
Provides a written log with specific details and information
·
Promotes systematic and intentional reflection
Some
mentors find that including factual material (such as notes capturing
the content of the conversation) as well as reactions, feeling, and
process notes (notes about what one was thinking at a particular point
in time) helps them reflect on their mentoring experience. Others record
their mentee’s progress in achieving articulated learning goals. Through
this process, they find that reflection informs their mentoring
conversations by revealing questions and issues to pursue with their
mentees.
Each mentor should choose an approach to reflection that works
for him or her. For those who prefer a qualitative impressionistic
method, writing a regular diary entry is helpful. Others prefer the
ship’s log method, which charts specific details of the relationship.
Sentence-completion stems can stimulate the flow of thoughts and ideas.
Progoff (1975), for example, uses a three-step process:
1.
Begin reflection with the phrase
“at first.” Write a paragraph or two.
2.
Switch to “and then,” writing whatever comes to mind.
3.
Follow with completion of the sentence stem: “and now.”
The
following example shows how one mentor used this approach following his
initial mentoring session;
At
first, when I met Dani, I was put
off. She seemed flighty, and even the way she dressed seemed to say,
“Don’t take me seriously.” And then
we started talking, and I was
amazed at the depth of her insights and breadth of her experience. She
knew far more than I had given her credit for. And now
I am looking forward to working with her and learning from the diversity
of experience she brings to the relationship.
Regular reflection requires discipline throughout the phases. It is easy
to procrastinate when it come to recording reflections unless you make
it a habit. The best advice is just to get started. With practice, it
gets easier.
Some
Tips on Reflection
·
Schedule regular reflection. Engaging in reflection regularly is more
important than the time spent on this activity.
·
Personalize the format (for example, use bulleted items).
·
Try
not to get bogged down in detail. Capture a brief description or note
some specifics. Make sure you have written enough, so that when you
review your entry at another time, you will be able to recall the
mentoring experience clearly.
·
Note
your feelings at the time. Remember that whatever it is that you
experience or that stimulates your thinking will help you better
understand your own behavior.
·
As
you write, note frustrations, learning, curiosities (ruminating
questions), and magic moments (peak experiences or synchronicities).
·
Especially write about particularly meaningful mentoring that you have
observed or experienced.
·
If
you find yourself grasping for straw, sit down and write anything, even
if it is that you have no thoughts. Reflect on why that is so. You may
find that all you needed was a starting point. Once you have begun, it
is easier to continue the process.
Reflection is a tool that can be used to stay the course and focus
attention on the relationship and learning. The next section presents a
diagnostic and reflective tool that works in tandem with reflection to
enable the mentoring relationship.
Readiness, Opportunity, and Support (ROS)
Every
phase of the mentoring relationship presents specific learning
challenges. The combination of three primary elements – readiness,
opportunity, and support (the ROS model) –facilitates successful
movement through each phase.
Readiness related to receptivity and openness to the learning
experience. It addresses the
issue of preparedness for every phase.
Opportunity refers not only to the venues, settings, and situation
available for fostering learning but also the quality of that
opportunity. Support pertains
to relevant and adequate assistance to promote effective learning and
builds on the concept of support presented in Chapter One.
When a third party determines the mentoring pairing, readiness is
sometimes the last element to fall into place for the mentoring
partners. There may be ample opportunity to foster learning, and the
mentor may be able to provide adequate support, but the mentor or the
mentee, sometimes both, may not be open to this particular relationship
at this time. Many reasons can account for lack of readiness – for
example, lack of perceived need, a belief that the need for mentoring is
regarded as a weakness, or that the teachable moment has not yet arrive
or has already passed. Charging headlong into a mentoring partnership
when readiness has not yet been achieved spells disaster. Situations
like this can be overcome by allowing adequate time for both parties to
come to a shared understanding of the purposes of the relationship
before moving into the negotiating phase.
The three elements of readiness, opportunity, and support
together form the framework to help mentors and their mentees diagnose
what elements are in place and analyze what elements are missing before
moving onto the next phase of the mentoring relationship. Gauging the
presence or absence of these primary elements helps keep the mentoring
relationship on track by identifying possible stumbling blocks. For
example, before moving in the enabling phase, mentor and mentee must
make sure that they have completed the necessary groundwork, have some
ground rules I place, are clear about the purpose of the relationship,
have determined the opportunities for enabling the relationship, and
understand the kind of support that is required.
Use Exercise 2 (located at the end of this reading) as a
checkpoint before moving to the next mentoring stage or when the
relationship seems somewhat out of kilter. This grid is helpful in
identifying strength and weaknesses in the relationship and assists in
targeting areas for improvement of the relationship.
An
Investment of Time
Facilitating effective learning relationships requires not only an
awareness of the four mentoring phases, reflection on the mentoring
experience, and taking the key elements into account but also an
investment of time. Mentors who are familiar with the predictable
phases, understand the scaffolding necessary to support learning, and
take into account the multi-dimensional dynamics of time that have an
impact on the relationship dramatically enrich the quality of the
mentoring experience.
Lack of time is the most frequently articulated reason attributed
to failure in a mentoring relationship. Here is what a teacher mentor
had to say about how time affected her relationship”
It
wasn’t her fault. It was mine. I thought I was committed. It was only
when I tried to schedule time and couldn’t find any of it that I
realized mentoring wasn’t enough of a priority for me at this time in my
life.
Time is a pervasive issue throughout the mentoring relationship.
It needs to be considered in the preparation process (particularly
self-preparation), discussed in the negotiating process, honored and
monitored during the enabling phase, and adhered to in the coming to
closure phase. Because of its impact throughout a mentoring
relationship, time merits special attention.
Making the Commitment
Landis (1990) reminds us that “the key to success may ultimately be the
selection of mentors who are dedicated to mentoring and are willing to
spend the time necessary.” In fact, time entails more than willingness
and dedication, or even meeting time. It needs to be a commitment.
All mentors must make sure that their enthusiasm, willingness,
and desire are not clouded by rose-colored glasses before they commit to
mentoring. They must take the time to discuss the prospective mentee’s
background and other relevant information to see if there is a fit and
understand that mentoring is an investment of time, with the actual time
depending on the mentee’s goals and needs. Before committing to a
mentoring relationship, a mentor should be prepared to block off a
realistic amount of time and protect that time.
After Sharon, a very popular mentor and one of few women of color
in a senior leadership position in her company, elevated her time
commitment, she realized that she could not devote more time to
mentoring than she had already allotted. Now she takes anyone who asks
her to be a mentor out for a one-time lunch. During that time, she asks
questions to ascertain the person’s career and mentoring goals and
provides recommendations about other mentors.
Keeping Time in Perspective
Time
is a pervasive concern in each phase. Compounding the time issues
idiosyncratic to mentoring are time issues related to work, personal
demands, and life in general. Distance mentoring relationships take more
time and energy, particularly in the early phase of the relationship.
Dealing with time concerns up front and in ongoing fashion helps mentors
and mentees maintain perspective so that they can focus better on the
learning goals.
Mentors who do not hold a conversation about time commitments
with their mentees may find that their relationship gets sabotage early
on. The words of this busy manger-mentor demonstrate the value of
holding a frank discussion of how to deal with time-related problems:
“We spent time discussing background and information and planning to
make sure that we would be able to make this relationship work for us.
We both have tight schedules and wanted to make sure that we utilized
the windows of time we had.”
Using the negotiating phase to address time expectations and time
constraints that might be problematic for the relationship can help to
prevent later misunderstandings.
Developing a Time-Sensitive Attitude
Once
the negotiation phase is over, the enabling work begins. It takes time
to develop, nurture, and sustain a trusting and open mentoring
relationship. The attitude about the time spent mentoring is critical.
Ultimately mentors will spend less time overall on the
relationship if they effectively manage the time they do have by
following these guidelines:
·
Avoid
the pitfalls of mentoring on the run, such as sandwiching mentoring in
between meetings, multitasking, and giving advice without taking time to
explain the context (Bell, 1996).
·
Encourage your mentee to use the available time constructively and
maximize time spent together by coming to the meeting prepared.
·
Start
each session with progress review or update to help you regain focus.
When
Time Becomes an Issue
It
takes time to sustain a learning relationship. Time becomes an issue
when the partners cannot find enough of it, acknowledge a need to call
time out, or do not use the time they do have wisely:
Finding time.
You
may think you do not have enough time, or you could be procrastinating
because you begrudge the time spent on the mentoring relationship. In
this situation, step back and ask yourself why it is you cannot get
started or continuously postpone. Perhaps you are assuming too much – or
too little. You may view your mentoring obligation as bigger than it is.
Calling time out.
Call time out if you need it to give the relationship space. Reflection
and contemplation are necessary for real learning. The importance of the
pause as a transforming moment (Loder, 1989) should not be overlooked.
You may find that you need to build in time to let new learning sink in,
gel, and come together or to let new ideas emerge.
Using
time consciously.
Often we are unaware of how we spend our time. Finding time is one
thing; using it well is another. Consciously reflecting on the time
spent mentoring provides insights for process and content learning.
Irene’s goal is to become an entrepreneur, and she is interested
in learning how to get started. Martin has a reputation as the
entrepreneur’s entrepreneur, and Irene was delighted he agreed to mentor
her. But after three months of meeting together, something in their
relationship seemed to be amiss. Martin discovered two things that
surprised him: he and Irene have not spent enough time exploring topics
that would help her meet her goals, and he has not really let Irene
participate actively in the relationship. He realized that he has been
grandstanding and she has been the passive listener.
At their next meeting, Martin shares his circle with Irene and
asks her what she thinks. Together they talk about how they might
strengthen their relationship. As a result, Martin learns something
about himself and is also able to facilitate Irene’s learning more
effectively.
Developing a strategy helps mentors use their time wisely. The
dynamics of time involved in a mentoring relationship are not always
straight forward. The following strategies promote successful time
management in a mentoring relationship.
Schedule time in advance.
Always try to get a date on the calendar. If you need to postpone a
mentoring session, do it, but make sure you schedule your next one when
you do. Used wisely, a calendar reminder is a point of contact for
communication.
Monitor your time.
Be away of the amount of time you are spending on mentoring (also in
proportion to your other tasks). Acknowledge when you are pressed for
time, but do not put mentoring on the back burner.
Spend
quality time.
Recognize the importance of time in the mentoring relationship.
Especially be away of how you spend your time in the relationship
because that is far more important than the quantity of time you spend
together. When you are present, be fully present. Plan to use your time
well.
Take
care of yourself.
Make time to work on your own growth and development. We often think
about what we can do for others through mentoring, but this is an
opportunity to optimize persona development too. In addition to the time
you will need to spend with your mentee, consider the time you will need
to receive training, hone skills, and get feedback from your mentee.
A
Recap
Facilitating effective learning relationships requires a mentor’s
commitment to time and investment of time during the entire mentoring
cycle. Reflecting on one’s own learning and tending to key elements of
readiness, opportunity and support to make sure that they are in place
helps mentors promote the learning of their mentees. Familiarity with
the predictable phases in the cycle is a critical part of the mentor’s
tool kit.
Resources used to inform the reading and exercises for Section 5A,
Enabling
Alpine, L. (1992, January). Learning to reflect using journals as
professional conversations. Adult Learning.
Bell,
C. Managers as mentors: Building partnerships for learning. San
Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler.
Huang, C., & Lynch, J. (1995).
Mentoring: The Tao of giving and receiving wisdom. San Francisco,
CA: Harper.
Landis, M. (1990). Mentoring as a professional development tool.
Continuing Higher Education.
Loder, J. (1989). The transforming moment. (2cd ed.). Colorado Springs, CO: Helmers &
Howard.
Progoff, I. (1975). At a journal
workshop. New York, NY: Dialogue House.
This
completes Section 5A, Enabling.
Please continue to Section 6A,
Closure, when ready.